Photo Essay

                                                                       Photo Essay
After multiple conversations and research, I have come to find that the main issues with divorce and its repercussions are how they effects children. Divorce and the removal of a parent from a home, as in most cases, can leave a child with feelings of longing, abandonment, grief, and sadness. Although kids are resilient and have a way of overcoming even the most complex adversities, this one decision, made by two people of extreme importance will shape a child’s life. I know this from personal experience, as well as a close friend’s encounter, and my sisters. Although my sister and I come from the same experience, she and I felt these effects in opposite ways.

My sister and I. Parents divorced age 7 and 8.

Beginning with my sister, Meredith, I asked how our parents divorce effected her? She goes on to reply “In the beginning, it was rough. It caused separation and distance between me and both my parents. It resulted in the internalization of all my feeling, happy or sad, and it drove a wedge between you(me) and I. Oddly enough, us having gone through it at the same time and same place, it for some reason, whether that was me and my more internal approach, or you and your very external approach, caused a lot of anger and hostility towards one another.” There was a study done that was published in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage that showed that kids with divorce or separated parents have more negative behaviors (Gatins, D et. Al, 323). In this particular case my sister and her behaviors towards me, herself and my parents would correlate to this study. The study was done by gathering 365 middle school and high school kids, some of which lived in families that were still together, and gave them a survey (Gatins, D et. Al, 313). A different perspective on divorce and its effects is through a parent’s point of view. Its not unknown that people considering splitting up their families don’t have the thought of “should we stay together for the kids?” In this next article, published by Time Magazine, titled “Should You Stay Together for The Kids?” gives one researcher’s opinion. The majority of this paper is about the controversy over a book written by therapist Judith Wallerstein. In the beginning of her work she felt as though divorce wasn’t a big deal for kids and that their unhappiness and issues, would dissolve over the years. Turns out she was wrong. Instead she found that the majority of the issues kids of divorce face are in their mature stages and when forming relationships of their own (Kirn, W et. Al, 74). So, what does it mean? It means that even through all the push back, Wallerstein sticks by her beliefs and her findings. It is said that her “chief message…is clear: Suck it up if you possibly can, and stick it out” (Kirn, W et. Al, 74). Having been through a divorce himself, I asked my dad his thoughts on sticking it out for my sister and I. I asked him if he thought that would do more harm than good. His response “Yes, I asked if there was a way to stay

Steven my dad. Divorced in 2001.

together for you girls. And although there wasn’t a hostile environment between the two of us, it was decided that that wasn’t going to work. There were other factors that prevented us from staying together, but now I could say that it was for the best. I became a better dad, a better man, and I was able to provide a positive environment for you guys. Our lives together became happier. We were able enjoy our time together and it allowed me to change my way of parenting. Instead of me living in the future, I started living in the present. I realized that worst my life could get was in those divorce papers. But I knew that there was no her taking you from me, or moving. So I realized that from then on, it was my job to show you that I was okay, that we were okay, and that my happiness was overall the most important thing in allowing me to love you.” When asked if parents should stay together for their kids he responded with “no, if all options have be exhausted and you both have tried to save it, and there is still no desire to stay, all you teach your kids is a miserable representation of a relationship.”

         Finally, I spoke to student, Emily, on campus about her thoughts on having her parents divorced and how she thought that effected her. She said “having my parents divorced effected my childhood at first. I always wanted my mom and dad to be together like every one else's. And then I went through the stage where it was cool that I had more than 1 Christmas, or more than 1 birthday party.

Emily, student at UK. Parents divorced age 3.

But later I understood that not everyone can love each other. It's better to be happy and separated than to be miserable and together. I think my parents still loved each other, but mainly because they had my brother and I. I don't think divorce is a bad thing, I think that it could be good. When it goes bad it's because the parents might not recognize that their children are hurting just as much as them from it. And the children are the ones who really come first. Overall, because of what I went through as a child, I don't want divorce, but I understand. If you can't fix it, it probably wasn't together in the first place.”

     I think the effects of divorce on kids vary. I think it’s based on how the parents approach the situation and how each individual child approaches the situation. Ultimately it’s the parent’s choice to get a divorce and that’s out of your control, but it’s how you choose to live after their decision that’s up to you.

Works Citied:

Gatins, Deborah, C. Ryan Kinlaw, and Linda L. Dunlap. "Do The Kids Think They're Okay? Adolescents' Views On The Impact Of Marriage And Divorce." Journal Of Divorce & Remarriage 54.4 (2013): 313-328. PsycINFO. Web. 10 Oct. 2015.http://www.tandfonline.com.ezproxy.uky.edu/doi/pdf/10.1080/10502556.2013.780496 
Kirn, Walter, et al. "SHOULD YOU STAY TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS? (Cover Story)." Time 156.13 (2000): 74. Academic Search Complete. Web. 29 Sept. 2015.http://eds.a.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.uky.edu/ehost/detail/detail?sid=c9e29134-8967-47db-9c2f-53e157a9a70b%40sessionmgr4005&vid=8&hid=4205&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#AN=3556566&db=a9h